Five Year Anniversary

Today I looked in the mirror and saw my mother’s face. Or at least more of it than I’m used to. I can’t tell if it’s just that my face physically looks more like hers nowadays r if maybe some of her personality and spirit are leaking through. Either way, I feel lucky.
Today is the 5th anniversary of my mother’s death and I still miss her a lot. There are still so many times when something happens and I wish that I could tell her about it. There are times still when I would love to be able to ask her advice about something. I’ll be honest, I took for granted the time I had with her, thinking that there would be a lot more of it.
My mom and I didn’t always get along, just as it is with many mothers and daughters. She wanted me to be more outgoing than I was, have more friends, basically to be different than I was. Because of that, there was a lot of friction between us, though I think in the last year or so, we’d gotten along a lot better than he ever had before. In the years since she passed, I have become closer to the kind of person she wanted me to be, though I still don’t have very many friends (I’m ok with that).
Even after saying that, I still always loved my mother very much, and I know that she felt the same. I’ve rationalized that she just wanted me to have the best life I could and she thought that her way of thinking was the best way to get at it.
Even THAT being said, we had a LOT of good times too. I remember listening to old school music and learning to dance in the kitchen. I remember taking drives in the country with her, my dad and my sister. I learned a lot from my mother and I wouldn’t change anything about my life with her…though I would make it longer.
If you still have your mom in your life, don’t take any of the time you have with her for granted, because you really don’t know how much time you have left. One of the constants in life is that we will lose our parents, we just don’t know when.


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